Learnings at 25

As I celebrated my birthday yesterday, I feel happy about it. I look forward for the day to come but then there's also this part of me which is nervous thinking "oh no, I'll be 30 soon enough".  For some that may be vain and shallow but is just how I am feeling.

As I woke my son up for school, he sang "Happy Birthday Mommy, Happy Birthday Mommy. Happy Birthday dear Mommy, Happy birthday to you". Then he kissed me and said "mommy I love you. You're my number one". As sleepy and out of tune as he was, that was more than enough for me to say "Thank you Lord" for I have been blessed.

As I look back how my 25th year was in this world, it's been a tough one. I felt like I've been through it all, I've experienced the hardest and the worst but the harder the climb is, the more I reach out for Him. Every year, I feel like He is testing just how strong I can be - knowing He is always there to guide me through - I made it. It's not easy but I made it in one piece somehow.

Last year, I lost two best friends - one died one the friendship went down the drain. I was grieving. I was mourning. And yes, I was hurting. Why do both of them have to be taken away from me right after the other? For six months I cried over it. For six months I was not myself. For six months I taught of what ifs and what could have beens. I blamed myself. I hated myself. I just feel alone. I feel lost. All that keep me going day by day are my boys - they are the ones who held my hand tight when I was at the brink of losing my sanity over the ordeal.

Then, Thanksgiving came. Hubz asked his mom for help, so she took me to the doctor. I had depression. I was prescribed with meds to keep me calm and was told I needed to talk to have sessions with a "coach". I refused to take the meds, I refused the sessions. I told them to give me enough time to mourn and heal.

My mom-in-law took me to town and we had a heart to heart talk. She basically told me not cry over spilled milk. What happened happened and there's no reason for my world to stop just because I lost two important people in my life. I must go on with my life not only because there are more people who are there for me but God loves me. What His purpose is, I am yet to fully understand. I have faith.

Now, at 26, I learn to put my family first - I am wife first, mother second and everything else follows. I learn to prioritize after realizing that my family are the ones I am living with, they are the ones who know me better than everybody else. Though we may have misunderstandings at times, at the end of the day, they have my back and they will always be there.

Finally, I learn that I cannot get everything I want or everything I prayed for, but I will be given what is best for me. With that, I am very thankful. I am lacking in many ways as His daughter but He continued to bless me much more than I deserve. I am very grateful.

Let me end this by saying, "Thank you Lord for the gift of life. Thank you for family, Thank you for friends. Amen."

•♥♥•LUVINMAHBOYZ•♥♥•